Star Wars in Wonderland
by CMXC
Summary: Spin Off one shot from my SW fanfic series. A mission gone awry sends the gang into an Alice in Wonderland dimension where everyone plays the role of strange characters from the world. Will the gang escape this disaster or will hilarity ensue instead?


**Star Wars in Wonderland**

_Disclaimer: If I owned Star Wars the Clone Wars… Grievous and Plo Koon would be alive! T^T (Oh yeah, and I'll be ruling George Lucas's kingdom of Star Wars by now.) But I do own my character- Claire Aschlock! Soltaria Levin belongs to my friend._

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How I got into this… I had no idea.

But when the clock struck midnight, I was already here.

"Order! Order in the court, there must be!" Yoda in a white bunny suit (?!) demanded.

The hammer slammed on top of the table repeatedly, commencing for order towards the chattering audience. Some I recognized had several familiar faces- Artoo, C-3PO, the Jedi Council and even some Separatist folks. Ahsoka was decked in a sequined green gown, standing at the stand of the Accused. As for Soltaria and I, well for some odd reason, Soltaria was decked in a Miko maid costume and I was stuck in some blue sailor schoolgirl uniform. No matter how much I tried to get the weird dress off, it wouldn't rip itself apart from me.

Perhaps I should explain what happened earlier.

Three days ago, Soltaria and I had returned from a mission along with Rex, Anakin, Ahsoka, Obi Wan and Cody. It was a piece of cake, really, all we had to do was get some gem encrusted artifact hidden in a secret shrine of some far off planet. Obi Wan had planned for it to be researched, until Bane joined in the fray and started off a freaking riot in the space station. You can guess that in the middle of the hustle and tussle, Anakin and Bane broke the artifact, creating a chain-reaction that turned our whole world topsy-turvy.

It wasn't just the world that was affected; everyone got transformed into weird characters to fit an Alice in Wonderland dimension. And when I mean transformed, I don't just mean it by a physical level!

Somehow or another, everyone got brainwashed into believing that they were the characters they were playing. Except for me, of course. Turns out that being the Grand Daughter of a Dimensional Traveller has its perks. Soltaria wasn't so much different, except that she believed that she was my bodyguard/maid/hand-to-hand combat hit woman. After convincing her to help me find the others in order to break the spell cast by the damn glittery artifact, we ran through mazes and forests, eventually meeting up with the runaway Duchess Ahsoka and Knight Rex (He used to be the Captain of the Royal Knights, but after being framed for theft and treason, he went into self-exile). Sadly, neither of them recognized me. Especially Rex.

"You really don't remember me, don't you?"

He shook his head. "But I will do my best to protect you and the Duchess."

"Ahem!" Soltaria cleared her throat, causing Rex to smile a little. "And your maid."

"She isn't my maid, she's a friend," I insisted with a smile. Well at least he was still as sweet and protective as ever.

Duchess Ahsoka smiled. "Then let us accompany you. We know Wonderland like the back of our hand."

In order to find our friends, we had to search every part of the weird 'Wonderland'. Unfortunately, this alerted the attention of the Queen of Hearts, who didn't really liked strangers trespassing into her land. So we eventually got caught and overwhelmed by the Knights. And at that time, my light saber refused to work! Swell.

"I told you we should have turned right to the town instead of the left to the Rose Maze," Duchess Ahsoka whispered.

"How was I supposed to know that someone like this Queen could actually afford a maze filled with thousands of roses?" Soltaria argued.

So here we are, charged with trespassing the Queen's precious land and ready to meet the bratty Queen and her King.

"Audience, please rise to greet the King and Queen!" Cody announced. He had become one of the Royal Knights of Hearts. And like everyone else, he had a huge red heart imprinted on the back of his trooper armor. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that Cody was the present Captain of the Royal Knights? And that's not even the funny part.

Slowly the audience rose, bowing as the Queen and King strode in. But what I was gaping at wasn't the fact that Obi Wan was the pitiful King of Hearts or the fact that there was so much red that I thought I would go blind from it. What shocked me the most was the fact that the Queen was not a She, but a HE! Decked in a red puffy dress with a heart shaped corset and a golden crown tucked neatly on top of his hazel brown hair.

"Anakin?" I was aghast. "You're the _**Queen**_?"

Queen Anakin shot a glare at my direction, pointing his pink fluffy fan sharply as he spat, "How dare you speak out when I have not speak yet! And why do you address me with a man's name when I'm clearly a woman?"

"But you _**are**_ a man!"

"Miss Claire, I don't think you should try challenging sh- I mean, _him_, in our current position now," Rex muttered.

"But that's freaking Anakin Skywalker! Your commanding General!" I whispered back hastily. "And you were the type who would question even the highest of all authority."

"You!" Anakin pointed at a clone trooper. "Go tidy up the maze!" He turned to another unfortunate soul. "You! Go fetch the raspberry tarts from Cook Windu!"

I blinked. '_Mace cooks?'_

"And you!" He pointed his frighteningly red nail-polished fingernail at one last clone trooper with a smirk. "Go… wash my underwear! MWAHAHAHA!"

The poor clone trooper shuddered, making his way back to the castle for his dirty (and nasty) job. I could hear him cursing in his mind, wondering to himself why he went to join the Queen's army instead of working at his mother's bakery.

"Darling, maybe you should let the chores be done later..." King Obi Wan tried to dissuade Queen Anakin, only to receive a deadly glare in reply.

"Are you telling me what to do, _Dear_?" Queen Anakin hissed at 'Dear'. "Shall I have my pet monster, Grievous the Terrible to devour you instead?"

As if on cue, a deafening roar was unleashed from afar. King Obi Wan trembling in fear, shaking his head.

"Well?"

"No, Dear. I didn't mean it that way…"

All of a sudden Soltaria yelled. "Oh come on! Be more of a man!"

She pressed her hands over her mouth as everyone stared at her.

"Eheheh… sorry, I just wanted to say that."

Queen Anakin's face turned red (literally), raising his voice. "Off with her HEAD!"

"But your majesty, the crime, you have not heard," White rabbit Yoda said.

"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!"

"Your majesty, at least hear the witnesses, you should."

Queen Anakin grumbled, "Fine, but make it worth listening."

As absurd as it sounded, it looked like we had no choice but to sit and watch. Meanwhile, I formed a plan in my head to break the darn spell. There had to be something to put an end to this illusion...

The first witness was the Cheshire cat, who turned out to be Dooku in a purple striped cat suit. Restraining my urge to laugh, I snickered mentally as the Queen and King tried to make sense of Dooku's riddles.

"Did I see them? Hmm, I'm not so sure! Maybe I did… Maybe I didn't," Dooku grinned so widely across his face that I thought it was almost impossible. The Queen, who deemed him mentally challenged, dismissed him for execution with her favourite phrase. But just then, Dooku had already begun his disappearing act. By the time the troopers had caught him only his head remained.

"My dear, I don't think we can execute him," King Obi Wan said.

With no choice, Dooku the Cat was set free, disappearing into thin air. But not without whispering to me. "If you wish to be free… then break the chain of the story that ties you to this world."

Dooku's words confused me, but as I listened to the other witnesses, I began pondering over his words. The trial continued with Kit Fisto as the March Hare and Plo Koon as the Caterpillar (how he got into the costume still baffles me) who smoked bubbles instead of tobacco. Each of them left puzzling words for me to decipher and I began to believe that the witnesses are subconsciously trying to pass me clues on how to break the spell. Finally it came to the last witness, the Mad Hatter- Cad Bane. He was actually dressed more smartly than the others, not in any ridiculous animal costumes or decorated with hearts. Instead he had a hat and smartly dressed suit quite close to his bounty hunter clothes, except green and black. While he sipped his tea, I silently giggled. '_Okay, maybe that was ridiculous…_'

"Your Majesty, these trespassers had no idea that this was your land," Bane said.

"Do you know them?" Queen Anakin asked in a bored tone.

"Ah, no. They passed by to ask for directions while Hare and I were having our afternoon tea. And I must say…" He smirked at my direction, a lustful glint hidden in his eyes. "The lady in blue was rather charming."

'_He's still a player even in another world!_' I fumed to myself.

"Are you saying that you're involved with that girl?" King Obi Wan asked.

"No, I thought she was already involved with her Knight in Shining armor."

Rex and I simultaneously turned to face each other, only to blush and look away instantly.

"But even if she was involved with him… I wouldn't mind spending time with her," Bane continued, a chilly smile formed on his lips.

"I had rather die!" I rebuked.

"Then off with your head first!" Queen Anakin angrily ordered. King Obi Wan and Bunny Yoda were stunned. "I can't stand this rude girl anymore! Take her for execution! Along with the rest of them!"

"But we have done nothing wrong!" Duchess Ahsoka argued.

"Pfft! I don't care; you four had already caused me to miss my massaging appointment. Besides look at you four! One is a duchess who has run away from home, another is a knight who was supposed to be executed for treason-

"Your Majesty, I did not-"

"Shut up traitor!" Rex stiffened at the very word he had feared hearing. "The other is a maid whose a clumsy airhead and lastly all of you are so noisy and useless, especially the brat in blue. Argh! How can you even stand wearing that depressing color?"

I mashed my teeth together, balling my fist as Bane walked down the aisle, whispering into my ear. "If you want out, break the Queen."

Bane smirked cryptically, leaving my mind drifting away in deep thoughts. Then it hit me.

"What's the matter? Feeling weak under my presence?" Queen Anakin crooned.

I smirked. "The only presence I sense from you is your tyranical, obnoxious, selfish and uncaring self!"

Queen Anakin almost fell off his seat as I stepped out of the stand and walked towards him, standing firm to the ground.

"You judge others poorly without giving a second thought or hearing their side of the story, you show no mercy to the weak and most of all…" I looked at his puffy dress up and down. "You're sexually disoriented! Have you ever looked yourself in the mirror? I mean, why do you think you have no boobs protruding out of that flat chest of yours?"

Queen Anakin defensively wrapped his arms around his chest. I turned to King Obi Wan, who was too stunned for words. "Obi Wan, as Soltaria said… Man up! You don't have to listen to every word that 'wife' of yours spits out of his mouth. You have a will and brain for a reason! Don't let this homo control you!"

"Hey!"

"Shut up, you prissy jerk and let her finish!" Soltaria roared at Queen Anakin, who returned a stunned gaping expression. She clasped her mouth again meekly as Rex and Ahsoka stared at her in surprise. A resigned look appeared on King Obi Wan's face.

"To be honest… I never really liked my wife. I was forced to be engaged with him since young."

"Your parents forced you to agree to a gay marriage?" I asked.

"They thought my in-laws produced a girl, but sadly as you have seen…" Obi Wan muttered, glancing at the fuming Queen.

"Well it's not my fault that my father was blind and my mother was short on cash after having an affair!"

"So you're not gay?" Ahsoka asked.

"I could never be, because the truth is I… I already have fallen for someone else!" He wailed.

Everyone gasped, including the Queen. "Who could be prettier than me?"

Obi Wan looked up to meet Soltaria's confused blinking gaze. She was so shocked, lifting a trembling finger to point at her face. "M-Me?"

Everyone gasped louder, and I thought the Queen was ready to faint.

"Yes you, Soltaria Levin. Even though we have just met, you were the first person I have ever seen standing up against the Queen and yet knowing that your have to keep your manners in check, lest you offend someone."

"B-But, I'm a mere maid!"

"And a beautiful, kind and caring one at that."

Everyone awed loudly as King Obi Wan and Soltaria ran towards each other, hugging in one long embrace. Kit Fisto was sniffling when Yoda handed him a tissue to blow his nose. The Queen was outraged.

"Guards! Seize the girl!"

Before the guards could move an inch closer to me, Rex came forth, blocking me from Cody and the others. "Brother, please move aside."

"I'm sorry, Cody… You'll have to get through me first if you want the girl," Rex growled. Well they weren't too far off from the brother theory.

"Erm, excuse me, guard people? Before you try and kill us all… can I ask just one question?" They lowered their weapons as I asked them:

"Has the Queen ever treated you all with respect?"

The troopers muttered amongst themselves. "Well, of course he did. Why else would we serve him?" Cody said.

"What has he ask you to do aside from guarding the palace and himself?"

They pondered for a moment before replying one by one.

"Wash the dishes, do the laundry…"

"Order takeout pizzas, tarts and tea…"

"Back massages and feeding the pet…"

"Scruff the floor, clean his feet…"

I arched a brow at Rex. "Do they really do all of that?"

He nodded. "Most of the time, but they added some new stuff while I was gone."

I turned back to the troopers. "Is that really what guards are supposed to do?"

"W-We do those stuff too! Taking taxes, conquering nearby kingdoms, force people out of their homes to make new land for the Queen's personal gardens…" The troopers' voices trailed off as they began to realize the horrors of their deeds.

"And has the Queen ever thank you for everything that you all do?"

Again my question was met with a long hushed silence.

"No offense, but that kind of make you guys nothing else but his lapdogs, butlers and personal menservants. Don't you see? You all are honorable men who should be respected for doing good for the kingdom, not making it hell."

They began muttering "Yeah" and "She's got a point" in agreement. I turned to the Queen, glaring sternly. "I know I'm just some girl who has no right to tell you what to do, but you shouldn't treat people like dogs. They may not look it, but each of these people has their strengths and weaknesses. The Guards, The people, King Obi Wan, Bunny Yoda… even the Caterpillar who may just smoke bubbles all the time! The same goes for the Duchess, Soltaria and Captain Rex…" I paused, eyeing him for a lingering moment.

"For what it's worth, I refuse to believe that a man like him could commit such crimes."

I almost forgot how dazzling Rex's smile could be.

"Guards! Seize her and off with her head!" The Queen ordered.

Everyone turned to the Queen, silent and glaring.

"W-What are you waiting for? Christmas?"

At that moment, everyone began advancing towards a shaking Queen Anakin who was soon overwhelmed by the guards. I smiled. "Sorry, Queenie. Looks like your reign is over."

"No! Get away from me! Stop! Stop! NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…"

A flash of colorful lights blinded the whole room and I opened my eyes to find myself back on the Resolute with everyone else. Everyone on the floor slowly rose, groaning and rubbing their heads.

"What was that about?" Ahsoka murmured.

"I don't know… but I have a killer headache!" Anakin moaned.

"Obi Wan! Are you okay?" Soltaria asked, rushing to Obi Wan's side.

"Arghh… I had the worst vision of Anakin in a dress… and that I was married to him."

Anakin's eyes bulged. "NOOOOOO! I don't want to be GAY!"

"Claire!" Rex called out my name, hugging me. "What happened?"

I lowered my eyes to the gem-encrusted artifact in my hands, broken into shards. The once brilliant colors of the gems have faded to a dull monochrome shade. It's magic used up.

"Turns out that the only way to break the spell of the artifact was to change the outcome of the story," I said.

Rex smiled. "You did great, Claire."

"Nah… I couldn't have done it alone without you guys," I winked.

This may be the end of one magical adventure, but I'm sure there's more to come!

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Don't forget to review! And no flames! ^^


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